Jun. 09 - SELAH's:Man’s way leads to a hopeless end - - God’s way leads to an endless hope.

Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.

The modern church /saint is quick to join a committee, but slow to join a commitment.

Jan. 09 - SELAH's: Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.

We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

Don’t give God instructions  - just report for duty!

Oct 08 - Reflections of a Pastor: It’s the start that stops most people.

I get more done when I’m not working.

A conscience doesn’t prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.

Aug 08 - For our Sunday evening gathering, Pastor Brown will show slides of his recent trip to the Roman ruins, including his wife and mother-in-law.
 

Edith Dother will speak to our Second Mile group at Grace Lutheran. “My husband lost 70 pounds of fat and kept it off for three years.” She will bring samples.
 

Jun. 08 - Edna Mae Taylor, now 22 months pregnant, will be resigning as choir director next month. Best wishes on your new endeavor, Edna!

The Family Fest BBQ
dinner will be a great place to lose your appetite.
 

Apr. 08 - Jean is leading a weight management series on Wednesday nights.  She has used the program herself and has been growing like crazy.

Mar.08 - SELAH: We have Muslims ready to die for their faith, and Christians who aren't ready to live for ours.

We are quick to wear a cross but slow to bear the cross.

Feb. 08 - SELAH: The Bible does not say we LOST our first love -
It says we LEFT our first love.
Seven days without God makes one weak

Jan 08 SELAH: We are quick to wear a cross, but slow to bear a cross.
It is easier to preach 10 sermons than it is to live one.
 

Dec 07 funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road and the back of the church.

Nov 07 - SELAH: Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand
He who angers you, controls you.
 

Oct 07 - SELAH: God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.

Sep 07 - SELAH: Forbidden fruits create many jams.

God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts."

Aug 07 -Edith Dother will speak to our Second Mile group at Grace Lutheran this Saturday. “My husband lost 70 pounds of fat and kept it off for three years.” She will bring samples.

Jul 07“A sin of omission is a sin we should have committed but didn’t”

And forgive us our trash passes as we forgive those who pass trash against us.”

Jun 07 -All the youth choirs have been disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.

Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding and bring their happiness to a conclusion.

May 07 - The sermon this evening is “What is Eternal Punishment?” Come early and listen to our choir practice

Apr 07 - For Those in the congregation who need help with accounting and tax preparation call John Cheater of Oxford Bible Church.

Mar 07 - Benediction Hymn:  “Stand Up and Bless the Lord.” Please remain seated.

Feb 07 - Our speaker this evening will be Dr. Desters, who is a specialist in women and other diseases.

Jan 07 - The Church Chapel is open  24 hours a day.  Please use the chapel during those hours only.

Dec 06 - Annual Youth Fundraiser: Order your Christmas cards today in the foyer.  Because of the big rush we will execute church members in strict rotation.

Nov 06 - Sign on Church Door: This is the gate of heaven.  Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked due to draft. Please enter at side door.)

Oct 06 - Susan Whiting sang “I Will Never Pass This Way Again” much to the obvious pleasure of the congregation.

Sep 06 - Pastor’s Funny: We know that God has put us on earth to accomplish things—and the way I see it, I’m so far behind that I’ll have to live to be 100.

Aug 06 - Pastor is planning to teach a class entitled “How to Say No” but unless more people volunteer to help, it will be cancelled.

July 06 - The popular dunk tank at the Elmhurst’s Summer Festival will be sponsored by Waste Management.

June 06 - Our annual church picnic will be held Saturday afternoon. If it rains, it will be held in the morning.

May 06 - If you would like to join our fellowship, you can do so during the Hymn, following the invitation, following the sermon, by baptism, by Christian experience, in the front entrance of the church at $4.00.

Apr 06 - For those in the congregation who need help with accounting and tax preparation: Call John Cheater of Oxford Bible Church.

Mar 06 - Fifty years ago people finished a day’s work and needed a rest. Today they need to exercise.

Feb 06 - If most of us could see ourselves as others see us, we’d probably never forgive them.

Jan 06 - Please note: Ladies are requested not to have babies during the morning service.

Dec 05 - During our Christmas service our choir will sing “I Heard the Bills on Christmas Day.”

Nov 05 - There are two types of people who don’t say much. Those who are quiet and those who talk   a lot.

Oct 05 - Pastor Williams thanked all the hunters in the church for participating in the annual “Blessings of the Hunt.” The annual deer hunt has gotten off to a safe start with only one death and nine accidents reported by Monday.

Sep 05 - A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church.  It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.

Aug 05 - A cookbook is being compiled by the ladies of the church.  Please submit your favorite recipe, also a short antidote for it.

July 05 - Our prayers go out to Dave Weigman, who shot himself in the leg while hunting mushrooms.

June 05 - Pastor’s Blooper: “If you must make a mistake, make a new one each time.”

May 05 - As soon as the weather clears, the men will hold their annual goof outing.

Apr 05 - Pastor’s Funny: There is an educational channel on every television.  It’s called “off.”

Mar 05 - Potluck supper tonight.  Prayer and medication to follow.

Feb 05 -  The greatest miracle in the Bible? The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

Jan 05 - It will be necessary to store these bells upside down to prevent warping-that is, with the top  at the bottom and the bottom at the top.  To prevent mistakes and allow no doubt as to which is the bottom and which is the top, for storage purposes, it is noted that the bottom of the case is stenciled with the word “top.”

Dec 04 - Annual Youth Fundraiser: Order your Christmas cards today in the narthex.  Because of the big rush we will execute church members in strict rotation.

Nov 04 - New choir robes are needed, due to several new members and the deterioration of some older ones.

Oct 04  - The elders voted 6 to 5 that our church participate in Unity Sunday

Sep 04 - Pastor’s funny: We know that God has put us on earth to accomplish things—and the way I see it, I’m so far behind that I’ll have to live to be 100.

Aug 04 - The senior pastor will be away for two weeks.  The staff members serving in his absence you will find pinned down to the church notice board.

July 04 - Remember:  When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing.

June 04 - Church Yard Sale: A good opportunity to get rid of anything not worth keeping but too good to throw away. Bring your spouse.

May 04 - The sermon this evening is “What Is Eternal Punishment?”  Come early and listen to our choir practice

 Apr 04 - The class on prophecy has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

Mar 04 - The choir invites any church member who enjoys sinning to join the choir this Thursday evening at 6:00 p.m.

Feb 04 - Don’t let worry kill you - Let the church help.

Jan 04 - Due to the pastor’s illness, the Wednesday night healing service has been cancelled.

Dec 03 - During our Christmas service, our choir will sing, “I Heard the Bills on Christmas Day.”

Nov 03 - After finding no qualified candidates for the position of Sunday School Superintendent, the deacon board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.

Oct 03 - Don’t let worry kill you - let the church help.

Sep 03 - Our church will present a series of community classes on various subjects throughout the month.  The classes offered include: “How to lose 100 pounds, from 7-9 P.M. Monday.”

Aug 03 - Pastor’s blooper: I’ve stopped drinking coffee at lunch. It keeps me awake all afternoon.

Jul 03 - Mrs. Johnson will provide music this morning.  The sermon topic is “It’s a Terrible Experience.”

Jun 03 - The Pastor spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

May 03 - Pastor’s Blooper: For our Sunday evening gathering, Pastor Brown will show slides of his recent trip to the Roman ruins, including his wife and mother-in-law.

Apr 03 - Pastor’s blooper: Every time I’ve built character, I’ve regretted it.

Mar 03 - The Pastor is planning to teach a class entitled “How to Say No,” but unless more people volunteer to help, it will be canceled.

Feb 03 - Great news! Doctors have performed a CAT scan on Pastor’s head and report that they have found nothing.

Jan 03 - Youth Pastor Haney started the Youth Fest off by announcing that everyone was here to have a good time whether they liked it or not.

Dec 02 - Pastor’s Blooper: Remember you are unique, just like everyone else.

Nov 02 - Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use the large double doors on the east side.

Oct 02 - Pastor’s funny: Shoveling the walk before it stops snowing is like cleaning the house before the kids are grown and married.

Sep 02 - Pastor’s blooper: Many calls come into the pastor’s office, and I fake an interest in each one.

Aug 02 - The pastor will preach his farewell sermon this Sunday. The closing song will be “Break Forth with Joy.”

Jul 02 - The third verse of “Blessed Assurance” will be sung without musical accomplishment.

Jun 02 - Pastor’s funny: “If logic tells you that life is a series of meaningless incidents, don’t give up on life. Give up on logic.”

May 02 - Pastor’s blooper: “Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding and bring their happiness to a conclusion.”

Apr 02 - Sign on church door: “This is the gate of heaven. Enter ye all by this door.” Below it: “This door is kept locked due to drafts. Please enter at side door.”

Mar 02 - John Robertson was at death’s door and the pastor, along with the elders, pulled him through.

Feb 02 - Smile. Provide a shoulder to lean on. Say thank you. Give a warm hug, or an unexpected hiss.

Jan 02 - Extra Bored of Elders meeting this Tuesday night, 7 p.m.

Dec 01 - For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Nov 01 - The loudspeaker system has been installed in our church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.

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